Bundy Quote # 13

Peg: Maybe there's a job for a runway model with dirty underwear. "...And now, here's Al. Looking frisky for fall in his stained boxer shorts and matching yellowing t-shirt! Oh, note the holes -new this season- for easy-access scratching! Oh, thank you Al.
Oh! And walking behind him... his socks! Resplendent in their "no toe or heel" look. Thanks again, Al!"
Al: Gee, officer, if I thought my wife was missing, would I be in this bar drinking a beer?

Bundy Quote # 12

Marcy: Al, that money is for starving and destitute artists!
Al: Well, we are starving.
Kelly: Besides, I'm not a destitute! I've never charged for-
Al: Pumpkin, guard the film!

Bundy Quote # 11

T.C.: The doctor's just wonderful! Just look at these.
Al: Wow. nice, white, firm... those babies should last ya a lifetime.
T.C.: I brush them every day.
Al: I would too if they were mine.

Bundy Quote # 10

Someone at the door: Yoo-hoo!
Al: Don't answer that! It's a trap.
Jefferson: What kind of trap?
Al: You know; they say yoo-hoo, you open the door, they slap two pieces of bread around you and you're never heard from again.

Bundy Quote # 9

Al: (to Kelly) When I was your age, there were a lot of parties I wasn't invited to.
Marcy: Well, there's a mystery.
Al: Here's another one: What's holding that towel?

Bundy Quote # 8

Pete: I'm sorry about using a dog dish, but you have no plates!
Al: Well, that's ok. See? It says my name on the side!

Bundy Quote # 7

Peg: Is that money in your pants, or... well, let's face it. It can only be money.
Al: Yep! There's another kind of green in my underwear now, Peg!

Bundy Quote # 6

Al: You know the newlywed couple at the end of the block... I peeked in their window.
Peg: Oh, you're so kinky, baby!
Al: Peg... I wanna do what they were doing.
Peg: Well, I'm game! What were they doing?
Al: They were EATING!

Bundy Quote # 5

Al: Girls...!
(Girls stop fighting to look at Al)
Al: There's not enough hair whipping around!

Bundy Quote # 4

Al: I can count on you two to kill me, right?
Bud: You can count on us, dad.
Al: Good! Then that's present enough for this... my one BILLIONTH anniversary.