Bundy Quote # 30

Al: Peg, you're old; you know it... *hums* "mmm-hhmm him"
Peg: Clip your nose hairs, Al. When you were humming, it looked like a squid was trying to reach out and grab one of the kids!

Bundy Quote # 28

Kelly: Mom, when is Dad gonna turn the electricity on? I wanna play some records.
Bud: Oh, c'mon Kell, you don't need records... you know all the words, just chant: "Oh Satan", "Yay Satan", "Satan, I'm your squeeze"
Kelly: Eat Dad's socks!
Bud: Sniff his shoes!

Bundy Quote # 26

Al: Kids, I need that necklace. If I don't give it to your mother, I'll have to give it to your mother. And if have to give it to your mother, I'm gonna give it to you!

Bundy Quote # 25

Al: After I moved Brenda's couch, she said I was cute. Oh Peg, I think she likes me!
Peg: Oh honey, how could she? Believe me Al, and I'm telling you this as your wife and as your friend... no one likes you.

Bundy Quote # 22

Al: Who am I gonna get to cut my hair? I called all my friends last night.
Peg: What did he say?
Al: (pause) He said "yep, I'm still in San Quentin for killing the wife, but it was worth it". The rest said they were gonna go to... salons.
Peg: C'mon honey, what's wrong with going to salons?
Al: Will they laugh in a salon when you say "what do women and dog doodie have in common...? the older they get, the easier they are to pick up"?

Bundy Quote # 19

Al: (talking to God) Thank you. Not even this, huh? What is it? Is Oprah right? Are you a big fat woman?! (falls to his knees) All i wanted was a 45, a stinking 45, the record or the gun! I'll even settle for the damn malt liquor!

Bundy Quote # 17

Al: Why did we buy a house with only one bathroom?
Peg: Because all the houses in our price range were on fire! Except that nice house with no kitchen, that I wanted.
Al: Well Peg, we all have to live with our disappointments... I, of course, have to sleep with mine.
Peg: Oh, is that its new name?

Bundy Quote # 13

Peg: Maybe there's a job for a runway model with dirty underwear. "...And now, here's Al. Looking frisky for fall in his stained boxer shorts and matching yellowing t-shirt! Oh, note the holes -new this season- for easy-access scratching! Oh, thank you Al.
Oh! And walking behind him... his socks! Resplendent in their "no toe or heel" look. Thanks again, Al!"
Al: Gee, officer, if I thought my wife was missing, would I be in this bar drinking a beer?

Bundy Quote # 7

Peg: Is that money in your pants, or... well, let's face it. It can only be money.
Al: Yep! There's another kind of green in my underwear now, Peg!

Bundy Quote # 6

Al: You know the newlywed couple at the end of the block... I peeked in their window.
Peg: Oh, you're so kinky, baby!
Al: Peg... I wanna do what they were doing.
Peg: Well, I'm game! What were they doing?
Al: They were EATING!

Bundy Quote # 2

Al: First thing they teach you when you're a rookie salesman is, when you have a fat one in the chair, never look up. I looked up, Peg... I saw underwear...! It said "saturday"!
Peg: So what?
Al: Today's wednesday!

Bundy Quote # 1

Peg: Are you gonna miss me, Al?

Al: Well, I can't until you leave, Peg.