Bundy Quote # 28

Kelly: Mom, when is Dad gonna turn the electricity on? I wanna play some records.
Bud: Oh, c'mon Kell, you don't need records... you know all the words, just chant: "Oh Satan", "Yay Satan", "Satan, I'm your squeeze"
Kelly: Eat Dad's socks!
Bud: Sniff his shoes!

Bundy Quote # 27

Marcy: And remember, after dinner when they serve the cigars and brandy, you go in the other room with the wives.
Jefferson: Oh all right. But I better get a phonebook for my pants, because every time it's the same thing: the lights accidentally go out, and I'm the helpless victim of a gang goose.

Bundy Quote # 26

Al: Kids, I need that necklace. If I don't give it to your mother, I'll have to give it to your mother. And if have to give it to your mother, I'm gonna give it to you!

Bundy Quote # 25

Al: After I moved Brenda's couch, she said I was cute. Oh Peg, I think she likes me!
Peg: Oh honey, how could she? Believe me Al, and I'm telling you this as your wife and as your friend... no one likes you.

Bundy Quote # 24

Marcy: The people are with us! We've reached their consciousness! Power to the people! Power to the people!!
Protester: Take off your shirt!

Bundy Quote # 23

Al: They're trying to sneak by a 2-cent beer tax. TWO cents! And what really gets to me is, the money that they're gonna raise is gonna go for education! Well I'll be damned if I'm paying two cents for some moron to learn how to read!

Bundy Quote # 22

Al: Who am I gonna get to cut my hair? I called all my friends last night.
Peg: What did he say?
Al: (pause) He said "yep, I'm still in San Quentin for killing the wife, but it was worth it". The rest said they were gonna go to... salons.
Peg: C'mon honey, what's wrong with going to salons?
Al: Will they laugh in a salon when you say "what do women and dog doodie have in common...? the older they get, the easier they are to pick up"?

Bundy Quote # 21

Guardian Angel: I'm sorry, Bundy, I failed you. I was supposed to show you why you should live and I can't think of one darn reason.

Bundy Quote # 20

Bud: You can't be this dumb.
Kelly: I can be anything I wanna be, it's the 90's!

Bundy Quote # 19

Al: (talking to God) Thank you. Not even this, huh? What is it? Is Oprah right? Are you a big fat woman?! (falls to his knees) All i wanted was a 45, a stinking 45, the record or the gun! I'll even settle for the damn malt liquor!

Bundy Quote # 18

Griff: Tell me again, what do werewolves have to do with shoes?
Al: Again? (pauses) Wolves... night... moon... shoes!

Bundy Quote # 17

Al: Why did we buy a house with only one bathroom?
Peg: Because all the houses in our price range were on fire! Except that nice house with no kitchen, that I wanted.
Al: Well Peg, we all have to live with our disappointments... I, of course, have to sleep with mine.
Peg: Oh, is that its new name?

Bundy Quote # 16

Leslie Baum: Ok, Bundy, I'll tell ya straight out: I think you're a fraud.
Al: Oh, yeah? Well, with a name like Leslie, I think you're a sissy!

Bundy Quote # 15

Kelly: I don't wanna sit around in the house and sleep. It's just like being in school.
Al: No, the difference between here and school is that you'll be out of here when you're 18.

Bundy Quote # 14

Gilbert Gottfried: Anyway, Mickey Mouse... on acid.
"Aaah! Help me! I'm having a bad trip!"

Bundy Quote # 13

Peg: Maybe there's a job for a runway model with dirty underwear. "...And now, here's Al. Looking frisky for fall in his stained boxer shorts and matching yellowing t-shirt! Oh, note the holes -new this season- for easy-access scratching! Oh, thank you Al.
Oh! And walking behind him... his socks! Resplendent in their "no toe or heel" look. Thanks again, Al!"
Al: Gee, officer, if I thought my wife was missing, would I be in this bar drinking a beer?

Bundy Quote # 12

Marcy: Al, that money is for starving and destitute artists!
Al: Well, we are starving.
Kelly: Besides, I'm not a destitute! I've never charged for-
Al: Pumpkin, guard the film!

Bundy Quote # 11

T.C.: The doctor's just wonderful! Just look at these.
Al: Wow. nice, white, firm... those babies should last ya a lifetime.
T.C.: I brush them every day.
Al: I would too if they were mine.

Bundy Quote # 10

Someone at the door: Yoo-hoo!
Al: Don't answer that! It's a trap.
Jefferson: What kind of trap?
Al: You know; they say yoo-hoo, you open the door, they slap two pieces of bread around you and you're never heard from again.

Bundy Quote # 9

Al: (to Kelly) When I was your age, there were a lot of parties I wasn't invited to.
Marcy: Well, there's a mystery.
Al: Here's another one: What's holding that towel?

Bundy Quote # 8

Pete: I'm sorry about using a dog dish, but you have no plates!
Al: Well, that's ok. See? It says my name on the side!

Bundy Quote # 7

Peg: Is that money in your pants, or... well, let's face it. It can only be money.
Al: Yep! There's another kind of green in my underwear now, Peg!

Bundy Quote # 6

Al: You know the newlywed couple at the end of the block... I peeked in their window.
Peg: Oh, you're so kinky, baby!
Al: Peg... I wanna do what they were doing.
Peg: Well, I'm game! What were they doing?
Al: They were EATING!

Bundy Quote # 5

Al: Girls...!
(Girls stop fighting to look at Al)
Al: There's not enough hair whipping around!

Bundy Quote # 4

Al: I can count on you two to kill me, right?
Bud: You can count on us, dad.
Al: Good! Then that's present enough for this... my one BILLIONTH anniversary.

Bundy Quote # 3

Kelly: I just thought it was time that i gave something back to the community.
Bud: Well, judging by the lines at the free clinic, you already have.

Bundy Quote # 2

Al: First thing they teach you when you're a rookie salesman is, when you have a fat one in the chair, never look up. I looked up, Peg... I saw underwear...! It said "saturday"!
Peg: So what?
Al: Today's wednesday!

Bundy Quote # 1

Peg: Are you gonna miss me, Al?

Al: Well, I can't until you leave, Peg.

Welcome!

"Ah, home sweet hell." -Al

Welcome, people of all ages, to Al Bundy's House of Quotes! I'll be posting some of my favorite phrases from all 11 seasons of Married with Children next to a picture, and people can guess the season and episode, and maybe comment on that scene/episode and whatnot. I'm not sure when will I be updating this, but I'll start with several posts and then I'll add more regularly.

So, come in and enjoy Al Bundy's House of Quotes, you shoe salesmen!